Here's the things I meant, but I never said.

Four and a half hours sleep.

Mama phoned me at 1:30am wanting to chat, so I was up until silly o’clock, then only 4 and a half hours sleep and I was up at 7:15am on what was my day off.

I had already arranged to shoot today, but I also offered to cover a shift tonight. Silly Kimi. Silly silly Kimi.

The shoot today, I can’t say I’m all that excited for. I really struggled with ideas for it, and I just never really felt it, but I set it up because I knew that if this is what I want to do, then I need all the practise I can get. And I need to become comfortable shooting stuff/people/ideas that I’m not really into, because that’s what I’ll have to do sometimes.

I’ve given Tam, my MUA, full freedom on the make-up (I just kept pulling a blank when thinking of ideas.) and tried to give the model some freedom on clothing, but she didn’t really have much input so I ended up styling. (Me?! Styling?! I know, right.)

Plus it’s freeeeezing. 1degreesC is BBC Weather is to be believed. And I’m shooting outdoors.

BUCK UP KIMI!!!

Then straight onto work after that, until 10:30pm tonight.

I need to focus….

I’m gonna be knackered tonight.

Shoot tomorrow.

And I’m really really excited, but nervous as hell, too!

For the first time, I’ll have a make up artist on hand, whom I have only met once, and also for the first time, I’ll be working with a model whom I have met off Purestorm. She’s coming from Manchester for an afternoon shoot.

I’m nervous about the weather - but I’m pretty sure I’ve prepared for the worst. Today, after going to the library to check if we could use it as a base for make-up (which we can! Thank goodness.), I went scouting around town for locations that we could use, that I could shoot the model out in the elements (‘British Winter’ is the theme I’m going for) but with myself, and more importantly - my camera, in shelter. I have at least three definites and about 7 maybes (as it wasn’t raining today I couldn’t be sure), so hopefully, plenty to work with if it’s raining. 

It’ll also be my first time trying out my new lens with a person. I’ve practised on the cats (of course!) and got some stunning shots of them, so fingers crossed I can do the same on location.

I bought a grey dress offline - to go with the mood of the weather - and I am hoping for some wind for effect. I feel like I’m prepared… but I’m not, at the same time.

This is a massive step for me. Breaking out of my comfort zone, always using models I already know, and for those that know me, it’s also a massive challenge to overcome for me, with my social anxiety. A part of me, inside, is screaming at me to cancel everything because it’ll go terribly wrong. The realistic part of my brain is telling me that it’ll be fine, that I’ll be fine… but the screaming, socially anxious idiot inside is annoyingly loud.

Sigh.

I really want to do this. Really really. And I’m going to. Can’t break my New Years Resolution so early on in the year. I don’t want to break it at all!